Relationships are
great. No, really. The comfort you get from having someone to share
things with, to cuddle when it's cold, and to pluck your eyebrows when your
monobrow is getting funky is invaluable.
What's really great is
when you go out together. She takes hours to get ready, you spend hours
drinking and waiting. Waiting and drinking. She says those two words you
have been wanting to hear for what feels like an eternity. "I'm
ready". "Yes!", you think. "No, actually I just need
too...", she says.
The false alarms pass and the time has
come. And my God she looks good. I'm so lucky to have you, I say, and rush her
out of the door before she can alter herself any more.
One cannot truly
appreciate the obnoxious nature of any typical jack the lad until you have had
one of them hit on your girlfriend. I'm sitting with my girlfriend,
drinking and chatting. No, wait, I'm holding hands with my girlfriend, drinking,
chatting, laughing. Over waltzes some overconfident, smarmy, half dancing
asswipe, and loudly whispers in her ear ( I hate it
when people do that) "fancy a drink, love?"
I'm literally sat
right here, man. She awkwardly glances over, to which I shrug my shoulders. Am
I the gay best friend to this guy? Oh no, a guy who doesn't dance as he walks
cannot be cool enough to be with a girl like this in any kind of romantic
notion, he must be a gay best friend. He's actually probably into me. In fact,
I won't even look at the guy, and I will continue to ignore her rejection, and
keep hitting on her.
The guy did not
acknowledge my existence, and to be honest, I don't care. Five minutes later he
was on the d-floor feeling some middle aged woman's inner thigh. Fair play
mate, you had a go. The thing is, this happens an awful lot. Guys have tunnel
vision when they see a pretty girl. Nothing else matters.
I should take it as a
compliment, right? Especially when some guy she works with comes up to me on a
night out , and loudly whispers in my ear ( I fucking hate that) "if
you weren't such a sound lad, mate, I would definitely fuck your
girlfriend!" How on earth should I respond to that, as I look into his
lecherous face, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth?
All I'm saying is, guys, stop being so
cock heavy all the time and think about what you're saying. Not every
female on the planet wants to have sex with you.
