Black Friday paves the way for a dimmer Christmas period

 ‘Black Friday’ may well suggest a lot about our cultural ideals and how we prioritise things as a society, but it confirms one thing; we are becoming more and more like our American counterparts that we have previously berated and sneered at.

A few years ago a few friends and I saw some viral videos posted to Facebook, showing camera phone footage of a shopping mall in America. This was a one-day event, whereby retailers would offer price reductions that are unheard of at any other point in the year. We all laughed at the desperation of the American customers as they shouted and squabbled, and fully-grown adults came to blows. Ignorant to our own investment in consumerism, we labelled them crazy, perched atop our moral high ground. Black Friday seemed an Americanised, trivial reality.

It is now 2016, and Black Friday has become a more global phenomenon. The fact that people were physically harmed in quests for TV’s 30% under the recommended retail price indicates that we now see materialistic goods as more important than humanity. The very notion of some discounted prices drew millions out of their homes and into packed supermarkets, where consumer hungry customers were ravenous and ruthless in their quests for cheap goods. Countless videos have been uploaded of people fighting, mothers with their children being pushed out of the way to grab a cheap Xbox one. Green eyes of envy turn to black eyes and bruising.

The Americanisation of Western Europe has become, and will continue to be, a cultural aspect of life in a capitalist society that operates on the premise of consumerism. For us to maintain a healthy economy, we must spend money. This means that all the big business and cooperation’s inevitably benefit off of our willingness to spend. The dominance of these companies allows them to do as they wish in terms of advertisement and marketing at Christmas time, with customers more willing to spend than ever. Marketing strategies from the big players in the festive season regularly eclipse the million pound mark, demonstrated by the John Lewis advertising campaign this Christmas costing a nifty 7 million pounds.

Whilst Black Friday is a great way for everyone to save a bit of cash, it seems that all of the hysteria and childish behaviour that it causes completely contradicts the common themes of Christmas - kindness, giving and best wishes. Festive music is drowned out by arguments; the season to be jolly subsides, whilst hostility and violence prevail - even if only for a day. I think that if people took a minute and watched their behaviour on camera, some would be ashamed of their actions. Consumerism will always thrive at Christmas, but a plan to at least restrict black Friday to an online fiasco would probably be in the best interests of everyone.

People keep hitting on my girlfriend

Relationships are great. No, really.  The comfort you get from having someone to share things with, to cuddle when it's cold, and to pluck your eyebrows when your monobrow is getting funky is invaluable. 

What's really great is when you go out together.  She takes hours to get ready, you spend hours drinking and waiting.  Waiting and drinking. She says those two words you have been wanting to hear for what feels like an eternity. "I'm ready". "Yes!",  you think. "No, actually I just need too...", she says. 

The false alarms pass and the time has come. And my God she looks good. I'm so lucky to have you, I say, and rush her out of the door before she can alter herself any more.

One cannot truly appreciate the obnoxious nature of any typical jack the lad until you have had one of them hit on your girlfriend.  I'm sitting with my girlfriend, drinking and chatting. No, wait, I'm holding hands with my girlfriend, drinking, chatting, laughing. Over waltzes some overconfident, smarmy, half dancing asswipe,  and loudly whispers in her ear ( I hate it when people do that) "fancy a drink, love?" 

I'm literally sat right here, man. She awkwardly glances over, to which I shrug my shoulders. Am I the gay best friend to this guy? Oh no, a guy who doesn't dance as he walks cannot be cool enough to be with a girl like this in any kind of romantic notion, he must be a gay best friend. He's actually probably into me. In fact, I won't even look at the guy, and I will continue to ignore her rejection, and keep hitting on her. 

The guy did not acknowledge my existence, and to be honest, I don't care. Five minutes later he was on the d-floor feeling some middle aged woman's inner thigh. Fair play mate, you had a go. The thing is, this happens an awful lot. Guys have tunnel vision when they see a pretty girl. Nothing else matters. 

I should take it as a compliment, right? Especially when some guy she works with comes up to me on a night out , and loudly whispers in my ear ( I fucking hate that) "if you weren't such a sound lad, mate, I would definitely fuck your girlfriend!" How on earth should I respond to that, as I look into his lecherous face, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth?

All I'm saying is, guys, stop being so cock heavy all the time and think about what you're saying.  Not every female on the planet wants to have sex with you.